Deaf-intely time: Deaf Awareness Week

This May it’s Deaf Awareness Week,

And it’s visibility that we seek.

I have a hearing aid in one ear,

On diagnosis I was filled with fear,

But meeting others and making friends,

Has calmed my anxiety and made amends,

For the shock and lonliness I once felt,

From this hearing diagnosis I was dealt.

I love my hearing aid now you see,

There’s no one else I’d rather be,

It’s useful I can’t hear some of the chat,

That pollutes our world but more than that,

I’m learning to lip read and be more aware,

To face others and to bare –

My mouth so others can see,

The words that are spilling out of me.

To be conscious of environments that are too loud,

Avoiding the centre of a crowd,

Speaking clearly but not to patronise,

And I’m becoming wise,

To repeating and never saying “it doesn’t matter”,

Why should anyone miss out on the chatter.

My hearing aid doesn’t mean I don’t understand,

It means I might need a helping hand,

I’m still just as clever and alert as you,

You don’t need to dull down the things you do,

Just smile, say hello and be aware,

And if I show you, you don’t have to stare,

Im still just me with a little extra hearing assistance,

Really I’m just living an X-Men type existence!



Love heart umbrella, twirling and red,

I’d rather be wrapped up in bed,

Heavy teardrops falling from the sky,

Soaking my jeans as I wander by.

Why does the wind want to turn me inside out,

Someone block up the sky’s water spout!

Wet and cold, my jeans stick to my skin,

Jeans this wet feel like a sin.

A childhood memory of wetting my tights,

Too far from home or sudden frights.

Grown up now but just as wet,

It’s not a dunking, or a Facebook bet,

The weather is against me, I’ll never win,

Dripping and struggling along with my kin.

At work the hand-dryer angles down,

A warm rush of air to smooth my frown.

Warm and sheltered now and almost dry,

How could I not be miserable when the sky decides to cry.

Eat, eat, eat

I’ve just eaten my weight in food,

That’s not possible but I’m in that mood,

A foodie treat is just the thing,

Some chorizo or a chicken wing.

Food is for fuel scientists say,

Food is also tastey, wahey!

Michelin star or gourmet,

Ice-cream whilst you watch a play!

Food cheers me up when I feel down inside,

But food is not the place to hide.

It’s yummy and it gives us what we need,

I can’t live off quinoa or some seed.

It’s finding a balance with what we eat,

Veg and fibre as well as meat.

One more chip though and I’ll be done,

Oh no, it’s happened again, food has won!

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother, Mum, Mama, mummy, you there,

The person that encouraged you not to swear.

The one who made you your absolute best,

And who also comments if you’ve got a stain on your vest.

So often overlooked but always there,

For a cuddle or a reprimanding stare.

Not just a mother but a human being,

Who made do whilst you were screaming and weeing,

Who talced your doughey skin to stop the nappy chafe,

And sacrificed so much to keep you safe.

Mum you annoy me like no other,

But you really are the most nuanced, strong and wonderful mother!

A Comedy bake

I love the Great British Bake off,

It’s like comedy and baking have had a cake off,

The puns are delicious,

The goods are rarely nutritious,

And while Hollywood isn’t as glittery as he sounds,

His dramatic pauses in between nouns –

Are spectacularly glamorous,

And while I’m not polyamorous,

I am in a relationship with both comedy and baking,

But rather than comedy it’s baking that has me quaking,

I can’t even manage a good stew,

And I did a comedy gig for some bakers who –

Really can be absolute devils,

Because instead of shouting out they just threw Eccles.

My new poetry book at Waterstones

My comedy poetry book has now been published!

POENTRY: silly po-faced entries by Samantha Baines

Award-winning comedian and actress Samantha Baines likes poetry and thinks it shouldn’t just be for po-faced people. Enjoy this silly collection of poems about life, amazing women and the very strangest news stories from the last few years (with any face you so wish). Revel in the comedy lines, the rhymes and the ‘really did that rhyme’ times from one of comedy’s brightest stars.

Buy it here:

Or on Amazon here:

Do leave it an online review if you like it! ❤️😀❤️😀


I thought it would be rather fun,To write a poem about the humble pun,A pun is essentially a bit of wordplay,And I just want to say,That wordplay is my favourite play of all,Second only to foreplay and by a small -Margin followed by radio plays,And then plays written in the female gaze.Often called “Dad jokes” puns have been cast aside,But doesn’t Mum and Aunty want to come along for the ride?I say a pun is for everyone,And is not the sum -Of it’s comedy teller, It’s funny no matter the seller.You can pun no matter your gender or size,No matter your religion or the colour of your eyes,I’m not pregnant I’ve got a pun in the oven,And as most things are cheaper by the dozen,If I had twins I’d want one of each a pun and daughter,Ohhh I’m on a punning whirl like a lamb to the slaughter,If I was in a film with Tom Cruise it would be Top Pun,Because girls just want to have a pun,I’m running through so many puns but we are on the right track,The pun train is always ahead of the pack,Gosh this punning has been rather fun,But now stick a fork in me I’m pun.