Fruity Art

Is a piece of fruit a work of art?

I’m sure heavenly believers have knowledge to impart,

But I’m talking art in a gallery,

Framed and catalogued for all to see,

Two Scottish students put this to the test,

You know for fun, a bit of a jest,

King of the fruits: pineapples are clearly the best, 

They even have a crown, a sort of leaf nest,

They are a bit scaley like everyone’s favourite mermaid,

And they are the only fruit which gets laid –

On pizza to give you a Hawaiian feel,

Which as a concept is quite surreal,

The students popped their own pineapple on a plinth that was spare,

The fun students have in an art gallery eh – what a pair,

To their amusement a few days later on the their return the pineapple remained,

This time surrounded by a glass box, beayutifully framed,

Staff had mistaken it for a bonified piece of art,

It is quite funny – bet they felt smart,

And I’m sure their parents very are proud,

A contribution to art to shout aloud,

If you think about it the day they did seize,

Although I’m not sure if that merits £9,000 in university fees. 

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Westminster attack

I wasn’t there but I was near,

At Oxford Circus we didn’t hear,

Everything seemed ‘normal’ until I got a text,

Is everyone okay? What happens next?

The news seemed to be reporting something far off and strange,

But at that moment I felt the change,

The coverage was pounded out dominating our screens,

Images of those shocking and horrifying scenes,

London had a hush like never before,

Not since our transport was hit and before that the war,

Travelling into Westminster the streets were empty,

Moving against a stream of about twenty,

Who were all leaving the area heavily heading home,

This was not a place to wander, not the time for a roam,

Helicopters were buzzing and filling the skies,

Sirens blaring and weary Policeman’s eyes, 

I grabbed a tea in a Pret and felt a little tense,

Soon comforted by the Police presence,

The officers popped in for a coffee such a commonplace thing,

But today it seemed importantly ordinary – something with which to cling, 

The country and the world send love to everyone affected,

Such an awful day for anyone connected, 

We have opened our hearts and many have prayed,

To those who would terrorise us we say #wearenotafraid 

I know my poems are usually light-hearted and funny but it felt important to mention the events in London today. Hope you don’t mind a bit of serious poetry. xxx

High time in Colorado 

You’ve heard of hash brownie,

To get you high if you are having a downie,

Well who knew hash water was a thing,

If you’d like some give the residents of Colorado a ring,

Their well was contaminated with marijuana,

Well, well, time for drinkies do you wanna?

Yep, apparently people still use wells,

They are not just in films with spells,

Or for finding lost children with a hero dog,

Or for falling down in a creepy fog,

A well is the original water supply,

So it’s exactly where you’d go to get your town high,

But the police in Hugo Colorado cottoned on,

They said drinking the water would be wrong,

“It’s not a time for free thrills”,

“Don’t drink this water with pills”,

Apparently the side affects could be rather scary,

Like a psychotic episode of Little House on the Prairie,

All I’d say is grab something you can munch,

This could happen in London – look I’ve got a hunch!

Invisible celebs

Do you love Harry Potter as much as me?

One of my favourites: the cloak of visibility,

If you thought there is only one,

I’ll tell you something that will stun,

They are selling them for 289 pounds,

And they are doing the celeb rounds,

But it doesn’t work as well as Harry’s,

So they won’t all be happy Larrys,

It does reflect the light,

So photographers will get a fright,

When their flash goes off,

The celeb will scoff,

As the reflective scarf will ruin their picture,

Meaning said photo will not be a fixture-

In any newspapers or magazines,

Yes this scarf is more than it seems,

I bet this will you a laugh, 

But when I heard of this reflective scarf,

I didn’t think reflective as in light,

And try as I might,

I can’t rid the image of a thoughtful scarf – and just to check,

Will it be pondering life whilst it hangs round my neck.

KFC charging forward

KFC are helping you out whilst you eat,

Yes the next time you grab a greasy treat,

You might notice your phone battery is low,

And to dispel your mobile based woe,

You can now charge your phone from the box containing your food,

Won’t that put you in a good mood,

Because their food is self-termed “finger lickin”,

But be sure you don’t get your phone greasy from the chicken,

And the name? Well I never,

For KFC it’s rather clever,

It’s called ‘Watt a box’,

KFC you sly fox,

A puntastic AND useful package,

How will our senses manage,

With all those secret spices,

AND full battery on our devices!

Dead scary

A man went to see ‘The Conjuring 2’

At the cinema for a better filmic view,

Sequels are not usually as good,

So who knew this sequel would,

Prove to be so ruddy scary,

(Those with heart conditions please be wary,)

Because the man had a real-life heart attack and died,

His friend couldn’t save him though he tried, 

At hospital he was pronounced dead, 

And then he fled,

Yep you heard right,

He may have been killed by a fright,

But then his body completely disappeared,

How apt for the scary movie! So weird!

Snails for brains

Have you ever thought like a snail,

To these simple creatures all hail,

You see they make decisions very well,

In that their brains never swell-

With the effort because they,

Only use a few brain cells in a day,

So all robots are taking tips,

Yes they may be held together by clips,

But they need help from these slimey creatures,

Who only use two brain cells among other top snail features,

So next time you over-think what to have for lunch,

Feel pity for the victim of your pavement crunch.