When your dad writes a porno

Imagine if your dad wrote blinking erotica,

Well it’s better than discovering a family swastika,

So many questions we’d love to ask,

Like is a cervix within your grasp?

Belinda Blinked is the sexy title,

Which keeps Jamie Morton’s dad from being idle,

Jamie deconstructs each chapter with the help of his mates,

James and Alice ease him through Belinda’s front gates,

With similes comparing breasts to pomegranates,

We do wonder about Jamie’s dads food vs literary palates,

In the last series blue jizz was a feature,

Like smurf sex or juice from an avatar-like creature,

Set to the back drop of Steele’s pots and pans,

Which makes you wonder about chef Jamie Oliver’s expansion pans,

Correcting school dinners was very worthwhile,

So Jamie Oliver, how about Belinda themed treats to add to the culinary shagpile,

In Belinda’s world there is one thing that’s a must,

That is donating to the Asses and Donkey’s Trust,

And when it comes to selling pots and pans there is nothing wrong,

With wandering around a maze in a stained black thong,

Belinda has friends too Bella and Gizelle,

And The Duchess on whose face she fell,

It’s not for the faint hearted here’s a word to the wise,

There is dribbling and gushing and many a literary surprise,

But Rocky Flinstone (Jamie Morton’s Dad) has penned a real gem,

And it’s not a book we would completely condem,

It’s given us the podcast and conjured so many new visions,

Like Jim Sturgess and a room with leathery conditions,

But has Rocky’s son whilst masturbating ever thought, 

Of dipping into his Dad’s book – no too scared to get caught,

A smash hit podcast and a sell out tour,

All down to Belinda rolling around naked on the floor,

She bonks and she blinks and that’s about it,

And we’ve all been wondering – since when does a pomegranate look like a tit?!

My Dad Wrote A Porno is a podcast created by Jamie Morton. Listen via iTunes or acast here.