Deaf-intely time: Deaf Awareness Week

This May it’s Deaf Awareness Week,

And it’s visibility that we seek.

I have a hearing aid in one ear,

On diagnosis I was filled with fear,

But meeting others and making friends,

Has calmed my anxiety and made amends,

For the shock and lonliness I once felt,

From this hearing diagnosis I was dealt.

I love my hearing aid now you see,

There’s no one else I’d rather be,

It’s useful I can’t hear some of the chat,

That pollutes our world but more than that,

I’m learning to lip read and be more aware,

To face others and to bare –

My mouth so others can see,

The words that are spilling out of me.

To be conscious of environments that are too loud,

Avoiding the centre of a crowd,

Speaking clearly but not to patronise,

And I’m becoming wise,

To repeating and never saying “it doesn’t matter”,

Why should anyone miss out on the chatter.

My hearing aid doesn’t mean I don’t understand,

It means I might need a helping hand,

I’m still just as clever and alert as you,

You don’t need to dull down the things you do,

Just smile, say hello and be aware,

And if I show you, you don’t have to stare,

Im still just me with a little extra hearing assistance,

Really I’m just living an X-Men type existence!



Love heart umbrella, twirling and red,

I’d rather be wrapped up in bed,

Heavy teardrops falling from the sky,

Soaking my jeans as I wander by.

Why does the wind want to turn me inside out,

Someone block up the sky’s water spout!

Wet and cold, my jeans stick to my skin,

Jeans this wet feel like a sin.

A childhood memory of wetting my tights,

Too far from home or sudden frights.

Grown up now but just as wet,

It’s not a dunking, or a Facebook bet,

The weather is against me, I’ll never win,

Dripping and struggling along with my kin.

At work the hand-dryer angles down,

A warm rush of air to smooth my frown.

Warm and sheltered now and almost dry,

How could I not be miserable when the sky decides to cry.

Eat, eat, eat

I’ve just eaten my weight in food,

That’s not possible but I’m in that mood,

A foodie treat is just the thing,

Some chorizo or a chicken wing.

Food is for fuel scientists say,

Food is also tastey, wahey!

Michelin star or gourmet,

Ice-cream whilst you watch a play!

Food cheers me up when I feel down inside,

But food is not the place to hide.

It’s yummy and it gives us what we need,

I can’t live off quinoa or some seed.

It’s finding a balance with what we eat,

Veg and fibre as well as meat.

One more chip though and I’ll be done,

Oh no, it’s happened again, food has won!

My new poetry book at Waterstones

My comedy poetry book has now been published!

POENTRY: silly po-faced entries by Samantha Baines

Award-winning comedian and actress Samantha Baines likes poetry and thinks it shouldn’t just be for po-faced people. Enjoy this silly collection of poems about life, amazing women and the very strangest news stories from the last few years (with any face you so wish). Revel in the comedy lines, the rhymes and the ‘really did that rhyme’ times from one of comedy’s brightest stars.

Buy it here:

Or on Amazon here:

Do leave it an online review if you like it! ❤️😀❤️😀

A Sexy Bomb? 

Bomb disposal experts were on high alert,

But no one in Berlin was going to be hurt,

They were called to a video games arcade,

A staff member was suspicious and couldn’t be swayed,

There was a strange noise coming from a bin,

In their toilet no less – creating quite a din,

The buzzing noise caused alarm,

So they evacuated the place to avoid harm,

The surrounding offices and buildings too,

Ninty people were moved because of a sound in a loo, 
The disposal experts stormed on site,

Ready to save the day if the bomb put up a fight,

On lifting the lid they discovered the error,

There was no need for evacuations and no need for terror,

Because you see it was all a ploy,

Some had left a vibrating sex toy,

But it wasn’t an accident – the police are sure,

Who would leave a sex toy on the floor,

More than that who would leave it switched on in a bin,

Letting the bin have some fun isn’t a sin,

They think it was a test of the bomb teams,

A criminal is behind it – it’s not how it seems,

They didn’t for one second assume,

The gamers could be having fun in that room,

Arcade gamers just play games one after another,

And are far too busy to play with a sex toy or each other.

Read the full news story here