Public Peeing in Hackney 

We’ve all had a wee in Hackney right?!

But if you pee publicly you’ll get a fright,

Something scarier than Halloween,

Worse than those creepy clowns we’ve seen,

You’ll be fined eighty whole pounds,

That’s two tubs of marmite or three pub rounds, 

Yes peeing in the street comes at a cost,

All we want to see of a morning is frost,

Not urine stained pavements and alleys and doors,

No drunk ladies squatting on floors,

Apparently we women are the worst you see,

But to be honest it doesnt surprise me,

Men have temporary urinals in the street,

We have nowhere to plant our seat,

You know the pain of a full bladder,

It’s a risky business – like walking under a ladder,

The mark of a great night out and a long journey home,

There just aren’t many available toilets on a late night roam,

In Hackney they trialled splash back paint,

But it’s only the men that it will taint,

We pee on floors not up against walls,

Just pop in a few portable slash stalls,

Hackney Council have spend one hundred thousand cleaning up pee,

Imagine all the cold genitals they see,

Dealing out fines like they are going out of fashion,

Punishing those who shake the lettuce in public is a real passion,

What is the answer? How can we bring this streeside tinkling to an end?

Well just pee in a cup and then give it to a friend. 


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